Boston Holiday ShowAn original monologue laced with irony and Christmas cheer.


ACT 1, Scene 1

(A blank stage with a single chair, downstage center. An elderly woman, all innocence in appearance, enters through the audience and distributes 4 boxes to audience members – 2 male, 2 female. Then she ascends the stage and sits in a chair dead center. If you wish, you can also have her enter onstage without distributing the boxes. There is a long pause as she looks at the audience expectantly.)

Well, go on. Open them.

For those of you who are new, it is customary on Boxing Day to present the help with a gift.

It’s fruitcake. My great-great grandmother’s recipe. It has 8 ounces of diced candied orange peel, 8 ounces of diced pineapple, 4 ounces of red candied cherries, 4 ounces of green candied cherries, 1 cup of currants, 1 cup of raisins, and 1 cup of chopped dates. And brandy. And butter.  And molasses. That’s why it weighs so much.

Fruitcake, I will have you know, is very long and difficult to make. That’s why it’s a tradition.  It took Alice at least three days to assemble it, didn’t it Alice? Which doesn’t include the shopping.

The nice thing about fruitcakes is that they will keep for years and years. You can try and kill them as much as you like, but they always manage to turn up the following Christmas. Like children.

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