COMEDY: 3F & 1M
The tragicomedic and slightly surreal story of two very different women. Warning: This play uses strong language and is not appropriate for children.
Jayleene Frick isn’t going to take any lip. Especially not from a tight-ass borderline anorexic named Florence. Especially not in a doctor’s waiting room. But as Jayleene and Florence discover, it’s funny what can come through a door if you’re willing to open it. You just have to be ready to duck.
- Staged reading at The Actor’s Studio in Newburyport – June 2010
- Scene performance at Boston’s SWAN Day – March 2013
ACT I, Scene 1
(Lights up. FLORENCE, sharply dressed in a suit, is sitting in a chair in a doctor’s waiting room reading a magazine, a briefcase by her side. There are a few other chairs and an empty desk. JAYLEENE enters through Door #1, carrying a pocketbook and runs through Door #2. She emerges a few minutes later shaking wet hands. She considers the chairs and decides to sit in the one next to FLORENCE.)
God, did you ever have one of those days?
(FLORENCE ignores her.)
I tell you, Kmart ought to sell some of those padded diapers, you know, the ones that whacked-out psycho astronaut used in the car sose she wouldn’t have to stop on her cross country stalking. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve almost bust out all over this floor after holding it in, and holding it in while that stinking turtle they call the subway farted its way through the stops. Ladies need ladies’ rooms. I’ve told them, but they never listen. (a pause) You don’t look too sick. You got an appointment with the doctor too?
I’m waiting for some results.
Is it Aids?
Gonorrhea? Genital warts? Go on, you can tell me.
Are you joking?
Baby, I’ve had my arm snapped twice, my ribs cracked like the coming of doom, and my heart broken more times than I care to count. I’ve had Hepatitis B, three rounds with Chlamydia and a helluva long-term relationship with Herpes. I smoke, drink and eat too much and the doctor tells me that if I don’t stop all of them I’ll be dead before the year is out. I ain’t joking.